


never let me go

by jetplane



Series: spring break (my heart) 2020 [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Bombing, Bombs, Character Death, Death, Explosions, Explosives, Guns, Heavy Angst, Hostage Situations, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Murder, Murderers, Romance, Sad, Sad Ending, Serial Killers, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23112364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetplane/pseuds/jetplane
Summary: When a man with a bomb asks to see Rossi, Hotch can’t allow it. Dave goes behind his lover’s back and does so anyway.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi
Series: spring break (my heart) 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1655539
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: I've never really been sure about a Hotch/Rossi pairing, but this story just came to me and I figured I'd give it a try. I've read some really good fics with this pairing, so I hope I do it justice. I suppose the tags already give away how this story ends, but please tell me if the angst makes it worthwhile. 
> 
> “so kiss me and smile for me//tell me that you’ll wait for me//hold me like you’ll never let me go”  
> \- “Leaving on a Jet Plane” by John Denver

After several hours of negotiating with serial bomber Patrick Hayes, the BAU had yet to make any progress in getting him to release the fifteen hostages he had trapped inside a bank. The unsub had already killed eight people in a series of smaller explosions, and the team was starting to worry that he’d be growing impatient. 

The only thing that seemed to capture the unsub’s attention, other than threatening to blow up the entire building, was talking to Agent Rossi. No matter how many times Hotch tried to redirect Hayes’ attention away from his lover, the man seemed completely fixated on the older profiler. If Rossi didn’t enter the building within fifteen minutes, he’d blow the place up. 

-

“I’m going in,” Rossi says decisively. The profiler starts to remove his gun from its holster.

“Dave, no,” Hotch protests. He stops him before he can set the firearm down. “I’m not letting you do this.”

“You have to,” Rossi replies. “He’s got more than a dozen civilians in there. If there’s any chance at all I can get Hayes to release them, I have to do it.”

“We can find another way,” Hotch argues, voice rising with desperation. “You can’t put yourself at risk. What if he doesn’t give up the hostages? He could blow the whole place up with the push of a button!”

Rossi reaches out to comfort his boyfriend, but Hotch pushes him away. “Don’t,” he says roughly. The older man flinches. Aaron can see the hurt in his partner’s eyes, but he’s too upset to care. Dave should know better than to offer himself up like that. He’s too important. To the team. 

“I want you to go over the profile again with Prentiss and Reid. There has to be something we can use in there. Find it.”

“Aaron-” Dave begins. 

“That’s an order, Agent Rossi.”

Dave makes one last attempt to take Hotch’s hand. This time, he’s expecting Hotch to refuse the gesture. But that doesn’t make it sting any less when his fingers are batted away.


	2. Chapter 2

Hotch storms off. He ducks behind one of the SUVs and manages to make it out of sight before he starts dry heaving. The world spins around him, and Hotch has to lean on the car to avoid falling over completely. 

He can’t do this. Not again. 

Why is it that everyone he loves ends up in these situations?

This is just like Boston. Adrian Hale lured six agents into a building with him and blew them up with the push of a button. 

No, this is worse than Hale. He just wanted to take out people. This bomber wants Dave. 

How could his partner think for a second that Hotch would allow it? That he’d just let him walk into a building with a bomber who was probably a liar and probably had a death wish? After what happened with Haley, Rossi never should have even suggested it. 

When his breathing returns to something resembling a normal pattern, Hotch feels a twinge of guilt. He understands why Rossi would volunteer to go into the bank. He would do that, to save the lives of innocents. And he knows that his boyfriend understands that he can’t let that happen. It’s too big of a risk. But still, he feels bad for yelling. 

He should apologize to Dave, Hotch concludes as he dusts off his pants and stands up. The profiler resolves to take ten more seconds to collect his thoughts. Then he’ll talk to Rossi. And then together, along with the rest of the team, they’ll figure out a real plan to stop this unsub.

Just then, there’s a commotion. Hotch peers out from behind the SUV, wondering if there’s been word from the unsub. He even dares for an instant to hope that Hayes might be releasing a hostage. 

He’s not releasing a hostage. 

He’s taking one. 

The air is sucked out of Hotch’s lungs as he sees the love of his life walking into the building.


	3. Chapter 3

“Dave!” Hotch screams. He doesn’t stop to think. On instinct, he runs in the direction of his partner.

Morgan and JJ reach him before he gets to the edge of the barricade. It takes both agents all of their strength to restrain their unit chief. 

“Hotch! Hotch, man,” Derek shouts. Aaron can barely hear Morgan over the sound of his screaming thoughts. “Hotch, you can’t go in there!”

“Let me go,” Aaron protests, still trying futilely to follow Rossi into the bank. “He can’t go in there! I have to stop him!”

“You can’t stop him, Hotch!” JJ shouts. 

“I have to go in there! I have to get him out!”

It takes about thirty seconds for Hotch to calm down. When Derek and JJ are confident that Aaron won’t try to run into the bank again, they let him go. Hotch sinks to his knees, all the anger and desperation draining out of him. All that’s left is fear. 

He looks up at Morgan. “Did you know he was going in?”

The profiler’s face tells him everything he needs to know. 

“How could you?” Hotch asks. His voice is weak and the question is rhetorical, but it still hits Morgan like a punch to the gut. 

“He knows what he’s doing,” JJ says quietly. “Rossi - he’s the best. He’ll find a way to get everyone out safely.”

“And what if he doesn’t? I can’t lose him, JJ. I just can’t.”

Her eyes are sympathetic as she places her hand on his arm. “You won’t lose him,” she reassures him. 

And then the phone rings.


	4. Chapter 4

The second Rossi pushes open the door to the bank, Patrick Hayes trains his gun on him. The agent immediately freezes and raises his hands. 

Hayes looks him over. “You’re David Rossi?” In response, Rossi just nods. 

The unsub rushes over to the agent and roughly starts checking for a hidden weapon. Through the pocket of his slacks, Rossi can feel the ring press against his leg. He’s been carrying it around for a month now, but the time has never seemed right. 

Dave figures that after he cuffs this unsub, the time will be perfect. Aaron won’t be able to stay mad at him. 

“I’m not armed,” he tells Hayes. 

“I’ll determine that,” the unsub replies gruffly. He continues to pat Rossi down. It’s only when he’s satisfied that the profiler has been telling the truth that he looks the man in the eye. 

“I’m surprised you came in,” Hayes says, and Rossi thinks he catches a note of respect in the man’s voice. “I didn’t think you’d be willing to risk your lives for these people.” The unsub tosses his head in the direction of the hostages, who are nervously watching the exchange from their positions on the floor of the bank. 

Rossi shrugs. “It's my job.” He quickly counts the hostages. They all seem to be safe, at least for the moment. “You said you would spare the hostages if I came in here to meet with you. I was hoping you would keep that promise.”

Patrick Hayes gives Rossi a curious look. “Would you die for them?”

Dave quickly weighs his answer, aware that saying the wrong thing could quite literally set Hayes off. “I’d prefer not to,” he says slowly. “My goal is to make sure that everyone here gets out safely.”

“But you would?” Hayes presses. 

“Why don’t you release the hostages and we can talk about it?” Rossi suggests. “Or even just release one. It’ll go a long way in helping my team to trust you.”

“Your team,” Patrick muses. “Did your team send you in here?”

Dave shakes his head. “It was my decision. My unit chief...told me not to come.”

The unsub raises his eyebrows. “But the famous David Rossi decided to run into the building with the bomb anyways. Why?”

“Why did you ask for me, specifically?” Rossi asks. If there’s any chance of talking Hayes down, he knows he needs to get control of the situation. And the only way to do that is to keep profiling. “There are dozens of law enforcement officers out there, some of whom outrank me. What did you want me for?”

“You’re famous,” Hayes replies. “People will miss you if you’re gone.”

Dave frowns slightly. “That’s true,” he admits cautiously. “But if you’re looking for notoriety, I can tell you that blowing up this building won’t get that for you.”

Patrick Hayes tilts his head slightly. “Why is that?”

Rossi smiles internally. He’s engaged the unsub. The experienced profiler knows better than to celebrate prematurely, but he takes this as a positive sign. “If you kill me, my team will do everything possible to bury your name. They’ll make sure my name is on the headlines, not yours.” Dave glances at the unsub’s detonator, on which he has loosened his grip. “But if we walk out of here together, with all the hostages, I can make sure that everyone knows your name. I’ve interviewed some of the best serial killers in the world, people like Ted Bundy and Charles Manson. You could be up on that list, too.”

Hayes looks at him warily as he considers this. “How do I know that you’ll keep your word?”

“The people outside can set up a plea deal. I can help you negotiate with them, if you let me. When everything’s legally binding, then you and I will walk out of here and the bomb squad can deal with everything.”

He hesitates only a moment before pointing at the phone lying on a nearby table. “Go. Call your supervisor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this would be the penultimate chapter, but it ended up getting too long so I've split it up. I'm hoping to complete this story in the next few days, so please keep a lookout for the final two chapters! Thank you to everyone who's read up to this point!


	5. Chapter 5

Rossi dials the number from memory. It rings once before Hayes snatches the phone out of his hand. “This is Patrick Hayes,” he barks before anyone on the other end can speak. “I have my demands.”

“Patrick, this is SSA Aaron Hotchner of the FBI.” The phone isn’t on speaker, but Rossi is close enough to hear anyway. “We’re willing to listen to your demands, but we need to secure the safety of the hostages. Is everyone inside the building alright?”

“The hostages are all fine,” Hayes says. 

“You have one of my agents in there, David Rossi,” Hotch says. “Would it be possible for me to speak to him for a moment?”

To anyone else, Hotch’s tone would seem as collected as ever. But Rossi knows his partner better than anyone. He can hear the tension in his voice, and it twists his chest ever-so-slightly. As he tries to brush away the guilt, Rossi’s hand unconsciously drifts to his pocket. He absently touches the ring as he pictures Aaron’s worried face.

Patrick shoves the phone at Rossi, who snatches it up eagerly. “Aaron, it’s Dave. I’m right here.”

“Dave, are you alright?” Hotch asks quickly. 

“I’m fine,” Rossi replies truthfully. He eyes the gun in Hayes’ waistband and the detonator in his hand. “At least for now,” he concedes. 

“What can we do out here to help?”

Hayes grabs the phone back. This time, he presses a button to put it on speakerphone. “You can listen to my - HEY!”

A flicker of motion catches the attention of both Rossi and the unsub. It’s one of the hostages, a young security guard, trying to crawl towards the exit. Hayes drops the phone and rushes over to the man, screaming as he waves his gun in his face. 

“Dave!” Hotch cries out. “Dave, are you still there?”

No response. Rossi is too busy trying to convince Patrick not to shoot the young man. 

“Patrick, you don’t want to do this,” Rossi implores the unsub. “He’s just a stupid kid; he’s not worth it.”

“He tried to escape,” Hayes grumbles. “I should kill him right here.”

“If you kill him, my team will hear the shot. They’ll storm this place and kill all of us. You don’t want that, do you?”

Patrick hesitates, still staring down the security guard. The young man trembles, staring at the firearm pointed directly at his face. 

“Don’t look at him. Look at me,” Dave says calmly. Slowly, the unsub turns to look at Rossi. As he does, he lowers his weapon. The agent breathes a small sigh of relief. 

Hayes jerks his chin in the direction of the phone. “Get on the phone with your supervisor again and tell him to start making a deal. A good one. I don’t want any funny business from you or any of these people here.” He starts barking orders to the hostages, roughly pushing them farther from the exit, as Dave hurries off to do his bidding. 

The phone is on the floor, still on speaker. Dave can hear Aaron shouting his name as he bends down to pick it up. “Aaron! It’s Dave.”

“Oh, thank God,” Hotch breathes. “Are you hurt? Did Hayes hurt you?”

“I’m fine,” Dave reassures his boyfriend. 

“What happened?”

Rossi sighs. “One of the hostages tried to escape. I talked Hayes out of shooting him.”

“Is he with you now?” Hotch asks. 

“He’s checking on the hostages now. Moving them farther from the exit, so no one will try to escape again,” Rossi reports. “He wants me to tell you to start making a deal.”

From outside the bank, Hotch feels a sudden chill. A strange feeling washes over him, the feeling that something is about to go wrong. He doesn’t know why, but he can feel it in his gut. 

“Dave?” he asks. “Dave, are you still there? Is something happening down there?” Hotch peers through his binoculars, trying to get a glimpse into the bank, but there’s nothing to see from his angle. 

“I’m still here, Aaron,” Rossi replies. “We’re all here. Hayes is still with the hostages.”

His words should soothe Aaron’s fears, but he only feels them growing. He’s reminded in that moment of Foyet, of hearing Haley die, and that grips his heart with a sudden urgency. “Dave, I need to tell you something. I know it’s the worst possible time, but I have to say it now.”

Inside the bank, Rossi turns away from watching the unsub check over the hostages. “What is it?”

Hotch swallows hard. “Dave, I need you to know that I lo-”

And then the building rips apart.


	6. Chapter 6

It turns out that Hayes hadn’t triggered the bomb. One of the snipers on the roof had thought she’d had a clear shot at the unsub. But he’d moved at the last moment, and her bullet missed. That was what set off the explosion. 

Not that it matters to Aaron as he claws desperately through the rubble. His only thoughts are prayers - not because he believes but because he knew his lover did. He begs Dave’s God for a miracle. 

When it becomes clear that there are no survivors, Reid and Morgan have to physically drag Hotch away from the wreckage. Derek rides with him in the ambulance, trying to comfort the unit chief as his bloodied hands are cleaned and bandaged, but Hotch isn’t listening. The only person he wants by his side is dead. 

At the hospital, Hotch’s wounds are cleaned more thoroughly and re-bandaged by a doctor, who also stitches some of his deeper cuts. Aaron almost laughs when the doctor warns him that he might be left with some scars. As if that matters. 

Rossi’s will leaves very specific instructions for his death. The burial is a quiet affair, for family and close friends only, but the church is packed on the day of his funeral. Officers from law enforcement agencies all over the country. Survivors of cases he’d solved. Old friends. Distant relatives. Even some of the families of victims he couldn’t save. Everyone wants to pay their respects. 

After his funeral, David Stephen Rossi is buried next to his son, James David Rossi. By his side is a place for Aaron and Jack. Perhaps he’d hoped it would bring comfort to Hotch to know that they’d be reunited as a family when his time came. It doesn’t.

The members of the BAU spend a lot of time in the house that once belonged to both Rossi and Hotch. It’s almost painful to Aaron, to watch them care for him and his family. He wishes they would stop being so kind. It only draws them closer to him. And everyone close to him gets hurt. 

Over the next few weeks, Hotch sleeps in every room in the house but his own. He cites its proximity to Jack’s room, claiming he doesn’t want to wake his son in the night. But Jack is a heavy sleeper. Aaron just can’t bring himself to lie alone in Dave’s bed. 

Hotch first sets foot in the bullpen a month after his boyfriend is placed in the ground. People stare, but he ignores them. He strides efficiently across the room, arms full of boxes, and climbs the stairs quickly. He knows that if he pauses, even for a moment, he’ll lose his nerve. So before he can think about it, he pushes open the door to Rossi’s office. 

It looks the same as Dave left it, and for just a moment, Hotch lets himself believe that Dave will be coming back. That he’ll step through the door at any moment, steal a quick kiss, and then sit down at his desk to save another life. 

But then he forces himself to confront the truth. Dave is dead, and nothing can change that. Aaron came here for a reason, and it wasn’t to play pretend. 

So he begins to box up Rossi’s things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I thought this would be the final chapter. But once again, I need to write a little more. I'm (almost) positive that the next chapter will be my last for this story, and I promise I'll post it as soon as I finish. I hope you enjoy, and please, stay safe!


	7. Chapter 7

Aaron only manages to pack up two of Rossi’s books before he hears a gentle knock on the door. “Hotch?” asks a timid voice.

It’s Spencer. “I - I didn’t think you’d be back here,” Reid ventures. A mournful expression crosses his face as he looks into the room that once belonged to his surrogate father.

Hotch gestures in the general direction of the boxes, then glances back at the younger agent. Aaron thinks he’s going to ask him something stupid like how he’s doing, but he doesn’t. Instead, Reid stares at him for a long moment before giving a slight nod. “Can I help?”

They start packing. At some point, JJ joins them. Prentiss appears soon after, followed by Morgan. They work mostly in silence to sort through Rossi’s things.

“Hotch?” A gentle hand on the shoulder brings Hotch back to reality. He realizes that he’s been staring at the photo on Rossi’s desk, a picture of the two of them with Jack. The unit chief blinks a few times and tries to focus.

“I’m going to get a cup of coffee,” Morgan says gently. “Do you want some?”

Aaron nods. “I’ll go with you.”

They walk side by side to the break room. Hotch can practically hear Morgan profiling him as he fills his cup, but neither man says anything. He’s almost back at Rossi’s office when the sound of hushed voices catches his attention. He pauses to listen to what his team is saying.

“I don’t think he’s ready,” someone utters in a low voice. It sounds like Emily.

“I agree,” chimes in another person. Hotch is pretty sure it’s Garcia.

“But you can’t - you can’t just keep it from him,” a voice protests. JJ. “It belongs to Hotch; he deserves to have it.”

Aaron steps through the doorway. “I deserve to have what?”

“Sir,” Garcia gasps, quickly moving to conceal something behind her back. “We, uh - we didn’t expect you to, uh-”

“What were you talking about?” The agents all exchange frantic looks. “Somebody say something,” Hotch demands.

“Hotch, um -” Emily stammers.

He turns his unwavering gaze to Garcia. After a moment, she gulps and holds out her hand. In it is a plastic evidence bag containing a simple gold ring. Hotch takes it out of her hand and frowns. “What is this?”

“They found it at the scene of the - the Hayes bombing,” explains JJ in a quiet voice. She doesn’t meet Hotch’s eyes. “Local law enforcement sent it.”

“Why did they send it to us? Why not return it to the victim’s family?”

The agents exchange another set of looks. Finally, JJ breaks the silence. “That’s...why they gave it to us.”

Hotch’s brow furrows. “I don’t understand.”

“It was Rossi’s.” Derek steps into the room from behind Hotch.

Aaron shakes his head. “Dave didn’t have a ring like that. I would know if he did.” Something in the back of his mind is telling him that there’s something wrong, something he’s not quite getting. But for the life of him, Hotch can’t figure out what that is.

Morgan finally works up the courage to break it to him. “You never saw it because he bought it for you.”

Hotch’s mind is still moving too slowly, not connecting the pieces. “What are you talking about?” he asks.

“He was going to propose,” JJ blurts out. “That’s what the ring was for. He wanted you to marry him.”

Aaron’s face goes slack. He stares at the ring in his hand. “He was?”

JJ nods slowly. The agents all watch their unit chief, waiting for a reaction.

The one they get shocks everyone. Instead of breaking down or blowing up, Hotch simply shakes his head. He chuckles slightly to himself as he looks at the piece of jewelry.

“Hotch?” Reid asks cautiously. The other agents exchange worried looks.

“We’d been talking about getting married for months,” he explains. “It was pretty much a done deal. But that’s just so - so like Dave, to want to make it a big spectacle. He always had had a flair for the dramatic.”

“He really did,” Morgan murmurs.

Hotch looks around. The room that was once occupied by Rossi is now almost completely empty, any trace of him having been neatly placed and sealed inside a cardboard box. It’s almost as if he never occupied the space at all.

“Did Rossi ever tell you about the time he caught us trying to profile his office?” Prentiss asks. A wistful smile forms on her lips as she recalls the incident. “It was right when he first came back.”

“He did,” Aaron affirms. “Dave told me later how impressed he was by all of your insights.”

“Really?” Spencer asks.

Hotch nods. “He really was.”

Looking around again, Hotch sees the memories of his partner. Not just in his office but in the team he had grown to love as a family. Aaron didn’t know if he was ready to return to the BAU just yet, or if he ever would, but he knew he’d always be grateful to his teammates. If it hadn’t been for them, Dave might never have come back to the Bureau.

“How about we all go back to my house? I’ll cook for us,” Hotch offers. In his head, he’s already making a shopping list for Dave’s carbonara.

“I think Rossi would have liked that,” Morgan remarks.

“He would have,” Emily agrees.


	8. Chapter 8

The team helps transport Rossi’s things to Hotch’s house. They stay for dinner, which Hotch manages not to ruin, and toast to Dave’s memory with an obscenely expensive bottle of scotch. Each agent recounts their favorite tales of the seasoned profiler. More than once, Hotch has to wipe tears of laughter from his cheeks. 

When everyone says goodbye for the night, it’s late. Hotch is exhausted, but for the first time since Dave’s death, it’s not grief that’s sapping his energy. He’s so tired that without even thinking, he removes his clothes and slips into bed. The one he used to share with his lover.

He’s drifting off when suddenly, Hotch feels the sensation of someone climbing onto his mattress. He startles, sitting bolt upright, and finds himself face-to-face with a wide-eyed chocolate Lab. 

“Oh, Mudgie,” Aaron breathes, feeling a bit silly for his reaction. He watches as the dog sniffs Dave’s side of the bed, clearly searching for signs of his owner. Hotch lies back against his pillow, gently stroking the dog’s neck as he waits for the Labrador to grow bored with him and leave. “Dave’s not here. I’m sorry.”

But instead of trotting off to sleep with Jack or alone in one of his many dog beds lying around the house, Mudgie flops down on the mattress very nearly on top of Hotch. He rests his snout on Aaron’s chest and stares into his eyes with an expression that can only be described as sorrowful. “I know, Mudgie,” Aaron whispers, continuing to pet him. “I know you miss him. I miss Dave, too.” He closes his eyes, soothed by the warmth and gentle pressure of the dog’s chin. Before long, he finds himself falling asleep.

When Hotch opens his eyes again, the morning light is seeping through his blinds. The realization that Rossi is gone hits a few moments later, and it hurts. But with it, for the first time, Hotch feels just the tiniest sense of peace. It’s a new day and he’s ready to honor the people he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it! I hope you enjoyed. If you have any feedback or suggestions for future stories, please drop them in the comments! Stay safe!
> 
> “and it's peaceful in the deep//'cause either way you cannot breathe//no need to pray, no need to speak//now I am under”  
> \- “Never Let Me Go” by Florence + The Machine


End file.
